6 Weeks

Originally written 9/13/12

My blood results came back last week and in the words of my nurse (I knew it was good news when the nurse called and not the doctor) "everything looks GREAT!" Whew!  Mark that one off the list.  I have to say though, it has been nervewracking thus far.  I'm doing my very darndest to be in the moment, thankful, and happy.  90% of the time I'm successful.  The other 10% of the time I'm paranoid and terrified of a miscarriage.  I don't know why though - I've been through worse.  I know we can get pregnant.  And all along I've had this overwhelming peace that no matter what happens in terms of fertiility - we will have children.  But I guess this is just what you do.  You worry. 

I've always thought 6 weeks would feel different.  Well, today is officially 6 weeks, and it has felt different.  I do feel a certain sense of calm now.  I feel more confident.  I also feel nauseated and exhausted.  Let me be clear though - it hasn't been terrible. Last night was pretty rough though.  I needed to clean out the fridge b/c Bryan's out of town and he's coming home tonight as well as we have family coming into town.  When we had the Andersons over to watch the Mizzou game I made a 7 layer greek dip.  Let me tell you - I devoured that stuff.  It has set in the fridge ever since though b/c I just didn't think it sounded very appetizing.  So last night I needed to put the rest down the disposal.  Okay - clearly food aversion has become my new friend.  I literally stood over the sink gagging from the smell of it.  I thought I was going to lose my cookies.  I had to cover my mouth and nose up with my shirt while I disposed of the leftovers.  If they wouldn't have been in my very favorite serving dish I would have thrown the whole thing away.  I had to evacuate the downstairs for the rest of the night after that.  I then proceeded to go to bed at 9:00 and then have the most messed up dream I've ever had.  I woke up half crying half gasping for air and Bailey was looking at me with serious concern on his face.  So I chilled out, went to the bathroom (of course b/c I can't sleep through the night without getting up to pee anymore) and then spent the next 2 hours trying to fall back asleep.

Today has been much better.  I haven't almost lost my lunch yet, and other than being tired, I feel okay.  I've heard symptoms tend to come in waves.  Bring it on.  Now I just eagerly await my first real appointment on the 26th!